What is my problem?

I wish that I could tell you why I am writing a blog at 12:09 am... but I can't, because I really have no clue.

Book work for my meeting tomorrow is complete, house is cleaned up, why am I not sleeping? I now realize that there are way more things on my mind than I really want to think about and it is next to impossible for me to stop thinking about them.

At Awana tonight, we had missionaries from Cabo San Lucas there talking to the children. They showed pictures of the church that they are building and the community that they are teaching. I looked at Quentin's face as they were speaking and it was a look of complete awe. When I turned to Zoe, she was just smiling at the pictures of the children on the screen. And so... this is what I am thinking. What if I had the chance to give them a life changing experience? What if I could shake them to the core? Yes, they are young, I realize that but what if...

So, I have decided I HAVE to take them to Cabo San Lucas to the place that they are building this church. I am going to show them how wonderful it feels to teach other people about the love that they have in their heart. I am going to work with my children to help build this church. We are going to share this experience because for some reason, I have not been able to stop thinking about it.

It isn't going to happen tomorrow, but it is going to happen.

Deep Breath In... Cleansing Breath Out

Yesterday, I was put in the position of defending my faith. Yeah, I know... it was surreal.

I consider myself to be pretty easy to get along with. Some people may disagree but that is probably because we don't get along... go figure. I have been very blessed this last year to have a lot of really amazing people come into my life. When I say AMAZING, I mean life-changing kind of amazing. I do my best to be a good friend. I listen when they need an ear. I offer help when help is needed. I enjoy celebrating milestones and successes with them as well sharing mine with them. I have offered up some of my life experiences and an occasional fart joke from time to time... you know, the important stuff.

I have NEVER asked someone to defend their faith, beliefs or moral compass before. I have always tried to be very understanding that we do not all share the same story and that is what makes us awesome. I mean sure, when you watch the news and all of the horrible things that are happening in the world, you question that... but not people who you have chosen to let into your life.

It got ugly. My ears were red, my hands were shaking... ugly. I could not believe that someone could be that disrespectful, even after I had asked for it to stop. Today, now that some of the emotion (anger) has passed, I realize that my responses to the ignorance was like beating a dead horse, pointless. To the point that I am embarrassed that I even responded. I do not apologize for the things I said. I meant every single word... still do.

So, here I am... pensive and slightly scorned. I am very proud of myself for standing up for my faith. I am even more proud that I have my faith to stand up for. I am so thankful for the amazing people who I have opened up to and allowed into my heart. Even more so, I am thankful for the toxic people I have forced out of my life.

Thank you for the messages and phone calls. I apologize for the drama. I can not promise that it won't happen again but I can promise that I will ALWAYS stay true to who I am.