Tough teaching moment...

This morning, I received this email from Quentin's teacher:

Mrs. Luhrs,

Good morning. I just wanted to let you know about a situation that happened yesterday involving Quentin. I apologize for not emailing you yesterday, but I was in a meeting from 3-4. I hope this explanation makes sense! While working, I was playing Christmas music. One of the lyrics said something about a king. Apparently, someone at Quentin's table asked who the king was, and another student responded "Jesus Christ". While trying to say the name, apparently the student messed up the words a bit. Quentin thought that she was making fun of Jesus, and got very upset. The student wasn't trying to be disrespectful. Then, another child at his table came up to me and said "Quentin said a bad word." Immediately, Quentin started crying. I had him come up to my desk and take a deep breath so I could talk to him about what happened. He just kept saying "I didn't mean to". From what I could understand about the situation, Quentin became angry when he thought the other child was purposely messing up the name, and he admitted to saying "Hell". I'm not sure the context of the word (I couldn't really get a full story because Quentin was so upset). I'm not sure if he said anything to you about it or not. I just told him that the other child wasn't trying to be disrespectful because it was an accident. He said "I know. I just got angry" I also explained that although church and religion are very important, we usually share those things with our friends and family and not within school since other students may not believe similiar things. I think it was just a situation where Quentin got very upset because he felt that another child was making fun of something that is so important to him and your family. I don't think he meant to say the word-it probably just came out because he was angry? If he said anything, or if you talk to him and get any other explanation, please feel free to share! I don't want to make it into a big deal. I just wanted Quentin to understand that the other child wasn't meaning to be disrespectful. Thanks for your help with this. I hope that you have a great weekend!

I have to admit that I am extremely proud of my son. 1) The only "swear" word that came out of his mouth was "hell" 2) for being this passionate about his faith. I do realize that there is a time and place for everything and school is not the proper setting to have a full on faith-based discussion... but the situation was set up for that a little.

After I received the email, I asked Quentin to come in to the kitchen with me because I needed to talk about something with him. I asked him to tell me about what happened and he did. He also explained that he did not realize that "hell" was a bad word. He said that the student was trying to make fun of Jesus Christ (though they told their teacher they weren't) and that really upset him.

I then had to try to explain the difference between church and school... I found this to be very difficult to do. I don't want him to feel like he has to hide his faith but I also don't want him shoving our beliefs down someone else's throat. So... I said, "we believe in Jesus Christ and that He is our Savior. That is a wonderful gift that we have but there are people who do not believe in the same things that we do. It is one more way that people are different and that is okay! Some people have blonde hair and blue eyes, some people have brown hair and green eyes. Just like some people like the Giants but some people are horribly misguided and like the Eagles. It is what makes us different." He giggled, of course and was very accepting of my explanation. He then said, "okay, I won't talk about Jesus in school anymore, I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable. I will just keep it for me." Which I thought was extremely profound for a 7 year old boy.

I now find myself a little resentful that I have to make my son feel like he did something wrong, when he didn't. I am very proud of the fact that Quentin has such passion for his faith. I only hope that this does not make him feel like he should hide who he is because he is AMAZING.

Speech Therapy

A while back, we decided that it would be in the best interest of Zali and Zannah if we looked into Early Intervention. If you are not sure what this is, check out this link: http://www.dpw.state.pa.us/forchildren/earlyinterventionservices/index.htm

I don't say that because I don't want to explain it, I am mostly afraid that I am going to screw it up and give you wrong information for a program that I feel has been a Godsend to our family.

In October, a group of 3 women came to our home to "evaluate" the girls (this basically means that they played with them and took notes, at least that is what it meant to the girls). After about 2 hours, they discussed what they saw to be the issues and also our plan of attack. As we figured, both of the girls have a delay in their speech. We are not sure why (why is really not important) but Zali (34 months old) was at a 27 month level and Zannah (22 months old) was at a 10 month level.

I am going to be honest, to hear the numbers, it made me feel like a horrible mother. Like I had not done my part to educate them and ensure that they were where they should be. I was assured that this was not the case at all. It could be that neither girl felt that they needed to talk because everyone does it for them.

Anyway, I was told that I would receive a phone call within the next 7 days and therapy would start no later than 14 days after the evaluation. The therapist called and said that she would be at our home the following Monday and see if having the girls together was going to work or not.

Marilyn (their therapist) arrived 10 minutes early. Walked in and immediately the girls were intrigued. She brought her own toys, ipad and pens/paper... what could be wrong with that? They played for 2 hours. They were interested and participated the entire time. Marilyn was writing on a pad of paper when the girls would say something new. I sat on the couch and really watched how they interacted with Marilyn, it was different... refreshing. I am not used to watching them interact with anyone other than Bryan or myself so it was nice to see them in a different light.

When the 2 hours were up, Marilyn came back up to the couch to talk to me about what she felt. I was full on expecting her to say that she would rather have them separate so she could concentrate on them individually... that was not the case. She started with, "Mrs. Luhrs, I just have to say what a pleasure your girls have been. I was anticipating it being much more difficult to get them to work separately and I thought for sure there would be at least a struggle for my attention but I was very wrong." This made me really happy.

Since that first date, Marilyn has been to our home 4 times. The girls light up when they see her at the door. We both get on the floor with the girls and I watch her so that I know what I should be doing when it is just me here. Since the first visit, Zali has started to speak much more clearly so it is not just me that understands her (which is what I was hoping for). Zannah has started to try to say words instead of being silent and talking with her eyes.

This is everything that I have ever wanted for my girls and so much more. Watching them play on the floor with Marilyn and seeing the progress that they are making is complete bliss to me. Having Bryan understand what they are saying instead of me translating for him is a huge relief.

I am so thankful for this program, it has made a huge difference in my girls already and I feel so blessed to have the opportunity to use the service.

Today was a rough one...

... I suppose that is why I am still awake at 2am trying to catch up on PTA stuff and just generally trying to unwind a bit.

It has been awhile since I have written a blog, sorry about that. Something told me tonight that I needed to write something, anything really. Before I started to write, I noticed that my dear friend (who is pregnant with her 5th) had a difficult day a few weeks ago and blogged about it. I read it and immediately was able to sigh. This was my response to her blog:

Reading this both brought tears to my eyes and made me giggle a bit. Not in a mocking kind of way but in a "oh my YES, I am not the only one!" kind of a way. Having multiple young children is difficult... add in a pregnancy, it is next to impossible. Hormones, selective hearing and children with general ants-in-their-pants seems to build until something needs to give.

Tonight, I had a meltdown (which happens more often than I would like to admit) which included me in Zoe's room with huge construction trash bags, loading them full of her toys that she refused to clean up. I asked her to leave the room because 1)I did not want to torture her by making her watch all of her toys being taken away 2) I did not want to torture myself, listening to her cry and whine about how "unfair" I was being.

I have to admit, I was fuming... I could feel the warmth of my face and I could not deal with the older 2 children's blatant disrespect. I had been asking them both for two days to clean their rooms... and they would go up there but goof off. Too many times I have let it slide but this time, listening to them up on the 3rd floor squealing and giggling while goofing off... it did something to me. I walked up there and just started to yell.

I said what I had to say and then I told them they had 1 hour to clean their rooms. Whatever was not put in it's place would be put in a bag and given to a child that would appreciate it. An hour later, Quentin's room was clean but it actually looked like Zoe had made more of a mess.

I found myself this evening telling Bryan that I just can't to this anymore. I have given all that I have and I have failed. Bryan said to me, "how could you possibly have failed?" I feel like I failed my children, I failed my husband and I have failed myself...

I have since calmed down considerably... had some time to reflect... and reminded myself that I AM HUMAN. With all that we go through every day, it is completely normal and acceptable to have meltdowns from time to time. I am telling you, motherhood is not for the weak. There are many that are just not cut out for the job... but you, my dear, are one of the best examples of what being a mother is meant to be!

Kids are resilient. They bounce back quickly, far quicker than we do. Yes, they will remember words that were said or emotions that were let out for a little while but they will forever know how you love them so.
It is only going to get more interesting from here. Like I said, there are days (much like today) that I feel like I can not go on one more day... but then I go to all 5 of my babies while they are sleeping and I kiss them and say a silent prayer of protection over each one of them. I am reminded that I am so much stronger than I give myself credit for. I love you, thank you for sharing this because it is exactly what I needed to read at this exact moment!

I know that I have joked about writing a blog or column before... but I am now thinking that it is probably a good idea. Just like my friend's blog helped me to put things into perspective in my own life, if I could possibly help someone with that, why not? It is probably not going to be great and might even lack the wit that you are hoping for (okay, it will never lack sarcasm... let me just say that now). I don't know... let's give it a try, huh?

Heavenly....

I am totally in heaven... Quincy Tucker Luhrs was born on July 25th at 8:02 pm. He was 8lbs 13oz and 21" of complete perfection. I am so thankful for Bryan and my midwives who helped me through a totally natural labor and delivery. I just wish that they had listened when I yelled, "HE'S COMING!" because they almost did not catch him. Thankfully, they didn't have the time to take apart the bed to put out the stirrups so he had somewhere to land other than the floor (if they had not caught him).

The past 3 weeks have been consumed by hospital stays, bilirubin checks (which means driving to NJ for them), football practices, trying to come up with some semblance of a schedule and working my ass off to make it so that my other kids do not feel the strain of what it means to have a new person in our family. So far, so good. Honestly, I am so tired at the end of the day, I feel like I am falling asleep when brushing my teeth before bed. Quincy is only waking up every 3 hours, nurses and then falls right back asleep. He is such a good boy.

Are they all yours?

The other night, we were in the grocery store, stocking up for the next week. I have vowed not to go anywhere with out Bryan with me because I am scared to death that my water will break and I will be stranded. We made it about 2 isles into the store and an older woman sizes up our crew... 2 shopping carts with toddlers in each of them and two older children, helping me choose the items and placing them in "their" carts. She says, "wow, are all of these children yours?". I nod my head and continue down the isle.

We get this often... even more when it is just one of us who braves taking all 4 of our children out of the house. I have often wanted to reply, "no, none of them are mine... I just like to pick up random children and keep them with me." Usually the people are commending us on how well-behaved the children are and how surprised they that all 4 children listen so well. Which I find a little strange because if your children do not behave when you take them out, why bring them out?

Now, since I am impossibly pregnant, the tone of the question has changed a bit. The tone has become almost negative and harsh. One (different) woman in the dairy isle even said to Bryan, "are all of these yours (as she counted them out loud, with her finger) what are you doing to this poor girl?" He nodded his head and continued following me. I just don't get it.

It always amuses me when people say these things to us in a negative way... and sometimes shake their head, as if we are doing something wrong. I would understand that reaction if this woman was standing behind me in the grocery line and I had my order divided up with my food stamps order and then my order filled with steak, lobster, brand name soda and cigarettes... but I didn't. Bryan and I work our asses off to provide for our family. Giving each of them what they NEED and a few things that they really want. We do not ask for government assistance because we feel like government assistance is not something to be abused... and it is abused by most who have it.

We are not stupid... yes, we do know what causes pregnancy. We have taken preventative measures (which have worked and not worked). I believe that each one of my children are this precious gift that has been given to me. Each of them have a purpose on this Earth... it is my job to care for them, guide them, support them and help them to become the best people they can possibly be.

Ah... while we are on those lines... it really annoys me when people say, "this is the last one, right?" posed as a statement more than a question. My mother-in-law is most guilty of doing this and to be honest it makes me want to have 5 more children. I am not a child. I am a damn good mother. If I wanted to go for my own reality show and have 23 children, I would do it... but right now, I am happy with the (almost) 5 that we have.

Who is to say in 2 years I will not want another child? Right now, I think that 5 is our magic number. I was going to have my tubes tied, but have now decided against it. Bryan said that he would take one for the team... but now I am not so sure. We will see what happens.

So, to summarize... yes, all 4 of these amazing children are mine. I am so very proud to be their momma and I work so hard every day to care for them they way that they deserve. Right now, 5 is enough for us but I am reserving the right to change my mind at a later date and if you don't like that, keep your opinion to yourself. Can you tell that my body is on hormone overload? ;-)

Here I Sit...

July 14th, 2011... Baby Luhrs #5 days away from arriving (I hope)... are we really ready for this?

Probably not... what? I am just being honest. Is there really any way that we could be prepared for this? The nesting has turned into an obsessive, manic sort of anxiety which is actually keeping me from sleeping at night. Not to mention the general anxiety that I am feeling. I have been assured that this is normal and could even just be hormonal (God, I pray that is true) but deep down I know that this is going to be my life for the next few months.

Keeping with the honesty, I am afraid of this next step in my life. Deep down, I know it is "right" but I am still somewhat sad at the impending "end" of this stage in my life. Bryan and I have decided that this is the last baby. If for no other reason that it is really not fair for us to continue to add to the family when we are already so stretched. It is not fair to us but more importantly, it is not fair to the kids.

The end of this pregnancy has been bittersweet for me. I really do want him here, in my arms, like right now... but I know that means that I will never feel another baby growing and moving inside of me. I have been reminding myself of that every day, multiple times a day when I am not able to get comfortable.

I think that was the biggest reason that I felt it was so important for me to have maternity pictures taken. I have always hidden from the camera, especially when pregnant. I really felt like I needed something to remind me of just how blessed I am at this moment in my life. I have 4 beautiful, funny and amazing children, who could ask for more? Me apparently because the fifth beautiful, funny and amazing child is about to arrive.

No, we don't have a name yet. We have options but I have learned my lesson in deciding on a name before the baby is actually here. We will be announcing his name when he arrives. This whole pregnancy has been one that I felt like I really wanted to celebrate. First was with the finding out the gender of the baby at the baby shower in April. I suppose that it will be the same kind of feeling once we decide on a name an announce it.

This is going to be interesting... I have the feeling that there will be a lot of blogs to come, at least for a while.