Probably not... what? I am just being honest. Is there really any way that we could be prepared for this? The nesting has turned into an obsessive, manic sort of anxiety which is actually keeping me from sleeping at night. Not to mention the general anxiety that I am feeling. I have been assured that this is normal and could even just be hormonal (God, I pray that is true) but deep down I know that this is going to be my life for the next few months.
Keeping with the honesty, I am afraid of this next step in my life. Deep down, I know it is "right" but I am still somewhat sad at the impending "end" of this stage in my life. Bryan and I have decided that this is the last baby. If for no other reason that it is really not fair for us to continue to add to the family when we are already so stretched. It is not fair to us but more importantly, it is not fair to the kids.
The end of this pregnancy has been bittersweet for me. I really do want him here, in my arms, like right now... but I know that means that I will never feel another baby growing and moving inside of me. I have been reminding myself of that every day, multiple times a day when I am not able to get comfortable.
I think that was the biggest reason that I felt it was so important for me to have maternity pictures taken. I have always hidden from the camera, especially when pregnant. I really felt like I needed something to remind me of just how blessed I am at this moment in my life. I have 4 beautiful, funny and amazing children, who could ask for more? Me apparently because the fifth beautiful, funny and amazing child is about to arrive.
No, we don't have a name yet. We have options but I have learned my lesson in deciding on a name before the baby is actually here. We will be announcing his name when he arrives. This whole pregnancy has been one that I felt like I really wanted to celebrate. First was with the finding out the gender of the baby at the baby shower in April. I suppose that it will be the same kind of feeling once we decide on a name an announce it.
This is going to be interesting... I have the feeling that there will be a lot of blogs to come, at least for a while.
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