Today was a rough one...

... I suppose that is why I am still awake at 2am trying to catch up on PTA stuff and just generally trying to unwind a bit.

It has been awhile since I have written a blog, sorry about that. Something told me tonight that I needed to write something, anything really. Before I started to write, I noticed that my dear friend (who is pregnant with her 5th) had a difficult day a few weeks ago and blogged about it. I read it and immediately was able to sigh. This was my response to her blog:

Reading this both brought tears to my eyes and made me giggle a bit. Not in a mocking kind of way but in a "oh my YES, I am not the only one!" kind of a way. Having multiple young children is difficult... add in a pregnancy, it is next to impossible. Hormones, selective hearing and children with general ants-in-their-pants seems to build until something needs to give.

Tonight, I had a meltdown (which happens more often than I would like to admit) which included me in Zoe's room with huge construction trash bags, loading them full of her toys that she refused to clean up. I asked her to leave the room because 1)I did not want to torture her by making her watch all of her toys being taken away 2) I did not want to torture myself, listening to her cry and whine about how "unfair" I was being.

I have to admit, I was fuming... I could feel the warmth of my face and I could not deal with the older 2 children's blatant disrespect. I had been asking them both for two days to clean their rooms... and they would go up there but goof off. Too many times I have let it slide but this time, listening to them up on the 3rd floor squealing and giggling while goofing off... it did something to me. I walked up there and just started to yell.

I said what I had to say and then I told them they had 1 hour to clean their rooms. Whatever was not put in it's place would be put in a bag and given to a child that would appreciate it. An hour later, Quentin's room was clean but it actually looked like Zoe had made more of a mess.

I found myself this evening telling Bryan that I just can't to this anymore. I have given all that I have and I have failed. Bryan said to me, "how could you possibly have failed?" I feel like I failed my children, I failed my husband and I have failed myself...

I have since calmed down considerably... had some time to reflect... and reminded myself that I AM HUMAN. With all that we go through every day, it is completely normal and acceptable to have meltdowns from time to time. I am telling you, motherhood is not for the weak. There are many that are just not cut out for the job... but you, my dear, are one of the best examples of what being a mother is meant to be!

Kids are resilient. They bounce back quickly, far quicker than we do. Yes, they will remember words that were said or emotions that were let out for a little while but they will forever know how you love them so.
It is only going to get more interesting from here. Like I said, there are days (much like today) that I feel like I can not go on one more day... but then I go to all 5 of my babies while they are sleeping and I kiss them and say a silent prayer of protection over each one of them. I am reminded that I am so much stronger than I give myself credit for. I love you, thank you for sharing this because it is exactly what I needed to read at this exact moment!

I know that I have joked about writing a blog or column before... but I am now thinking that it is probably a good idea. Just like my friend's blog helped me to put things into perspective in my own life, if I could possibly help someone with that, why not? It is probably not going to be great and might even lack the wit that you are hoping for (okay, it will never lack sarcasm... let me just say that now). I don't know... let's give it a try, huh?