We went to church this morning. No, we were not on time... but we went, that has to count for something. We had guest "teachers" from Cabo San Lucas there who spoke on encouraging the next generation. It would have been great to sit through the entire service to hear about their story. Unfortunately, my pager went off 9 minutes after I dropped Quincy off in the nursery. He was screaming (face red, tears streaming down his cheeks) and so today, he and I sat in the lobby together. I love how much he loves me...
Bryan joined us in the lobby about 10 minutes later. Quincy gave him a huge smile, thinking of himself as very hilarious. My good friend, Amy, walked in about 5 minutes later. She is about to deliver her 5th child (see, there are people who are as crazy as Bryan and I are). It is always a treat for me when I have even 5 minutes to talk to Amy. She is so encouraging and wonderful. The best part, I don't think she even has to try to be this way... she just is. I wish that I had that ability... you know, to just be nice, naturally.
I told her about my interview tomorrow for the night cashier position at Wegmans. She got very excited for me at first and then got this very confused look on her face. She turned to Bryan and said, "what does it feel like to be married to Wonder Woman?" Bryan just chuckled and then said, "she has been pushing me to let her do this for a very long time and I just can not fight her on it anymore." Which made me really think.
Despite what you may think, I really am not crazy. It is not my goal to be completely run down and over-extended in my life. I am also not doing this to get away from my husband and children... for some special "me time"(I get plenty of "me time" when I go to the bathroom. I also get a lot of reading done in the bathroom. Coincidence? I think not). There really is a plan/purpose in this endeavor.
Not everyone knows the story of Bryan and I. There were many plot twists, a lot of pain and even some miraculous events that bring he and I to where we are right now... an "US". Bryan has helped to change my life, change my dreams and change my soul.
Before I met Bryan, I had never met someone with such an amazing heart. Yes, when we first met, his heart was crumpled and torn but I feel very blessed to be one of the people who has helped to repair that. I am so happy to see that Quentin has the same heart as his father. So loving and kind. One day, I know that he is going to make an amazing husband and father because of Bryan.
Anyway, my husband is a very hard worker, sometimes to a fault. Right now, he is not happy...to the point that he is feeling trapped. As a wife, I feel that I am failing him. I want to fix things for him. Make them better... but I too am trapped because I can't.
This is where this job opportunity comes in. I am not going to be bringing a ton of money. I realize that. However, the potential is there... eventually. Yes, it is an overnight position but that is the only realistic time for me to work. It is the only time that me going out of the home to work will not effect the children in a negative way. Yes, I am going to be tired... I am tired just thinking about it.
Right now, I feel that exploring this opportunity is what I NEED to do. It is my way of helping my husband. Though it is not going to happen right now, eventually this could be something much more and it can potentially put us in the position that we can depend on my salary to maintain our household. If/when that happens, Bryan can find what it is that he is passionate about. He can find what he needs to make his heart feel whole again. Something that is going to give him the confidence and help him to realize how amazing I already know he is.
I have done my research, Wegmans is an amazing company to work for. The hiring process is extensive and there are many interviews and steps to being hired. Please know that for as many hoops as I am having to jump through, the company will be jumping through an equal amount of hoops. This has to be a "right fit" for me and my family to make this work. If at any point I feel that my children or my family are suffering because of my position, it will be over.
I have not lost my priorities, quite the contrary. If anything, this will make me work harder and appreciate the time that I have with my children so much more. Right now, we have a great system that is working for us. I am confident that with a small amount of tweaking, this new system will be equally as effective.
On a side note...
Tonight, Zoe and I had some special girl time and then I read Judy Moody to her before bed. I tucked her into bed and knelt down beside her to say prayers with her. She started her prayer, "Dear Jesus, thank you for a great day (she usually just repeats this like 5 or 6 times... I think she is not really sure what else to say). Thank you for my special time with mommy. Thank you for making her my mom."
When she was done, I said my prayer for her, kissed her forehead and went into Quentin's room. We read Captain America together and then I knelt down on the floor next to him and he said his prayer. He said, "Dear Jesus, thank you that the Giants won (at least his priorities are in order), thank you for a great weekend and thank you for my mom and how much she loves me. I hope she has a good rest."
This is my prayer for both of them:
Dear Jesus, thank you for my children. Thank you for finding your place in their hearts. Thank you for the special moments you allow me to have with them. Thank you for helping to keep them safe. Thank you for giving them the grace to realize that though I am not prefect, I am a good mommy who has always and will always love them more than life itself. Finally, thank you for allowing me to be the one who gets to love them this much.
So, now I am going to try to have that good rest that Quentin so graciously prayed for me to have...
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